so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
