It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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