Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
