how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I need to stop coming to work sober
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
