She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
organizing the empties. That sober.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
