Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
