I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
