Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
