FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
