How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
well you can't waste a boner
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
