I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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