my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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