Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Randomize
