I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
