It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
