She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
