I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
