the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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