how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
