when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
