I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
