carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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