Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
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Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
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Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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