She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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