I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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