he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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