What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
