when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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