i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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