All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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