DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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