Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
