the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize