I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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