Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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