We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
