thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
