I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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