Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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