I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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