Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
