Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
