Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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