You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
