i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
