plz talk dirty to me
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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