Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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