I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
