He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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