I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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