If i come over, it means nothing
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
