how can u be prego again
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
