I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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