Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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