I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
