i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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