My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
