no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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