I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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