I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
