I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Randomize
