My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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