wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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