You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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