I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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