her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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