you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
