She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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