I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
