My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Randomize
