I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
