Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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