There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Even my vagina gasped.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
