Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
