I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
